Emotions

Let me tell you.  When you hear the words “you have breast cancer”, a bunch of different emotions come up.  My first reaction was I’m only going to have a lumpectomy and no chemo or radiation.  When I was a child I would always say that if I ever got cancer, I was not going to get chemo.  It made people so sick and it’s putting toxic poison into the body.  I was afraid of chemo.  I had seen it ravage people that I knew and almost kill them.  I was very adamant about not wanting chemo.  Some people respected my decision while others, not so much.

Even though I knew in my gut that I had breast cancer before I got the actual diagnosis, I was kind of shocked to actually hear it come out of my GYN’s mouth.  I am pretty good at hiding my feelings and I pushed all those feelings down deep inside me.  I was more concerned for my Mom and how she was going to handle it, having a terminal illness herself.  After I got off the phone with my GYN and getting the diagnosis, I went over to my Mom and hugged her and comforted her. I said to myself, “here we go again.”  You see, my family has been hit again and again and again.  My brother (my only sibling) died at the age of 26 from complications of AIDS in 1990.  My dad died in 2001 from a pulmonary embolism.  I was diagnosed with severe panic disorder and agoraphobia in 2005.  My Mom was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) in November of 2009.  My Aunts & Uncles live in other states so there is no family near by to help.  I am her main caregiver.  Then I get diagnosed with breast cancer in March of 2011.  I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  How much can one family take???????

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Genea
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 06:43:15

    You are a very brave person as is your Mom. I can’t handle the common cold!

    Reply

  2. Lucy Nico
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 13:50:06

    The strength we have inside never seizes to amazes me. They say God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but I think He can really push it sometimes. I believe these trying experiences transform us to an understanding that can’t be described, and if we listen and learn we’ll be much better people, and you’re amazing..love you!

    Reply

  3. OtaliaNutt
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 14:11:14

    YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN & ONE OF MY HEROES!!!!!
    PLUS I LOVE YOU!!!!! xx

    Reply

  4. Cindy W
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 14:53:47

    I have often wondered that myself, Amy!!! Indeed, how much more can one family suffer?? It is so unfair, but you have handled it with grace and love. You are so strong. But when it gets overwhelming please reach out for help, ok? You have lots of friends that love you and your Mom.

    I didn’t know of your feeling about chemotherapy, but I have to say I am glad you are doing it. You are young and strong and I see a long and happy future for you after you get through this. Hold on! I love you! Cindy

    Reply

  5. Lisa (@BashfulLisa)
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 16:18:47

    You are such a brave wonderful person! Thank you for sharing your story with us!! (((hugs)))

    Reply

  6. Lavinia Drohan (@LaviniaDrohan)
    Sep 30, 2011 @ 02:06:22

    Amy , i know you don’t know me but I learned of your illness thru CC’s twitter family & want you to know that i say a prayer for you every day .You’re such an inspiration you really are hun …Please stay strong & like i said in my last comment here ..keep fighting babe .God bless ..Lavinia xo

    Reply

  7. Kaylene
    Oct 02, 2011 @ 13:59:44

    We all have suffered in different ways, but the easiest way to make it through is to live in the now, take today for what it is and that is how the strong survive. Can’t live in the past as it is gone, can’t live in the future as it is still unseen, but for today love yourself and stay strong, you are a survivor!! I love you.

    Reply

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